


Hot Scoop

by Yatterqueen



Series: #END #GoblinNation [4]
Category: DCU (Comics), Smallville, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:33:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatterqueen/pseuds/Yatterqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the android Lira is let loose, it's up to two reporters, April O'Neil and Lois Lane, to get the story and save the day. If they can put their competitive natures aside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Scoop

How does life come to this? Jenna Duffy watches as her comrades-in-evil (who aren’t all that bad, considering) work to bring an android back to life. Lira, as she’s called, was destroyed in a fight with Wonder Woman but her super speed makes her invaluable. For some reason, there aren’t many female speedsters running around being evil, it seems. So, through some dealing with Roulette, they got her parts and Madelyne used her telepathy to control some scientists into rebuilding her. Now, the almost completed android rests strapped on a table. 

They just need one more thing.

“Jenna, the electricity!” Madelyne calls out.

Seeing no other option, Jenna blows her bubblegum and pulls down on the massive lever on the wall. In a scene reminiscent of Mary Shelley’s Frankstein, a massive bolt of lightning strikes down and awakens Lira.

“Why… am I surrounded by meat?” she asks, breaking her restraints with ease. “Where am I?”

“Among your bosses,” Madelyne tells her. “You work for us now.”

“And if I say I don’t? You meatbags are gonna’ stop me?”

Lilly looks at Sybil and then at Jenna. “I don’t think any of ours are big enough for that. Maybe Maddie’s.”

Jenna looks at her like, “really? a boob joke? really?”

Madelyne ignores it entirely and focuses on Lira. “My brain patterns are your brain patterns, in the sense that, you do as I say.”

Lira goes rigid, eyes wide. “I do as you say.”

“Do we get each other then?”

Relaxing her body but not her mind, Lira nods. “What’s the job?”

“Don’t worry, we’re fair,” Madelyne says. “It’s easy.”

**< <>>**

Lois Lane is Metropolis’ best reporter without question (sorry, Clark), but in other parts of the world, she’s just one of the best. In Gotham, she runs friendly competition with Vicki Vale. Here in New York, she’s just meeting her match in April O’Neil as both women have come to follow up on a robbery.

After getting all they can out of the curator, the security guard, and the homeless man sitting outside, the two break away from them and formally introduce themselves.

“Lane, go home,” April says.

“Not on your life, O’Neil,” Lois responds.

The two have a brief staredown before breaking down into laughter. While, yes, it’d be nice if this was an exclusive, another woman on the job is better than no women at all. The amount of times they’ve had to be butt heads with smarmy dudes is honestly, too damn much.

“Listen, O’Neil,” Lois starts, “I get you’ve got these turtle things in this city and you’re no stranger to weirdness, but whatever cleaned out an entire museum in five minutes is maybe a little bit above the sea creature level, don’t you think?”

April raises an eyebrow. “Can Superman hear you from here?”

Lois chuckles in response. “Well played, well played. How about this? First one to get the full scoop gets full exclusivity to the story.”

“You really think you can beat me don’t you, Lane?” April asks, but she smiles and nods right after. “You’re on, though.”

**< <>>**

Lois perches on the roof of a building opposite another New York museum with a pair of binoculars. She’s been here for maybe two hours now and nothing so far. She’s at least thankful she brought a sandwich and a soda.

From her vantage point, she can see April scoping in her car far away enough that she won’t be collateral if something were to happen but close enough that she won’t miss even a second of the action.

It’s smart, Lois thinks, but misses just one thing. What if the thief can fly? That’s what the roof solves. It’s simply Lois’ particular experience with metahuman crime that gives her the idea, and she can’t fault April for not knowing that. Most of the Turtles’ enemies don’t fly, not like Superman’s.

Except that drink is coming back for vengeance and Lois has got to go. She hopes she doesn’t miss anything.

Outside, April was inside the building Lois took as her perch earlier, but rushed out during the museum’s closing time. Now, she’s realizing she forgot her phone in the bathroom. While she has a legitimate camera, if the turtles are needed, she needs to be able to call them and let them know.

Hesitant to leave, she ultimately decides that being able to call for help is more important than the story. April rushes up back inside and stops when she sees Lois in the bathroom washing her hands. 

“I see London, I see France, Lois, I see your underpants,” April sings, “Pink is a good color for you, Lane.”

Lois freezes and reaches back. In her haste, she accidentally tucked her skirt in her underwear. Whipping her head around as she fixes herself, she scowls at April. “Grow up.”

“Whatever,” April points to her phone, “Pass me that.”

“Here,” Lois says, drying her hands and handing it over to her. “Now, I have to --”

A loud crashing outside interrupts her, and the two reporters rush outside. They see the android Lira -- known to Lois by listening to Diana’s stories. 

In a momentary bout of pettiness between the two, April says, “Move, Pink” and Lois trips her in response. April’s falling over is loud, especially when she crashes into a row of metal trash cans after rolling down the stairs, and it alerts Lira to the presence.

Lois feels her heart sink when the android turns its gaze over to them.

“Well, I  _ was  _ instructed not to kill anyone,” Lira begins, rushing over to Lois and April, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun.”

Lois takes a step back. “Let’s take it ea --”

Lira is gone before she finishes her sentence, but she left a little proof of her presence. The waistband of Lois’ underwear is attached to her forehead, pulling her head back in an atomic wedgie, and leaving the worst sensation of discomfort downstairs.

Below her, at the feet of the stairs, April is in much the same predicament with a purple and white striped pair. She stumbles into the stair railings, but gets her underwear off her head before she crashes into anything serious.

“Alright,” April starts.

“That  _ robot  _ is going down,” Lois, freshly freed, finishes.

“And I’m going to be the one to do it!” the women declare.

**< <>>**

On an old ledge, Lois and April lean over and snap pictures of Lira in action. They’ve mostly been quiet after Lois’ explained who Lira was. They know that the competition between them has beget a certain tension that isn’t leaving any time soon and unnecessary conversation is going to lead to a repeat of the trip. 

Both want to  _ win _ , especially after the android’s antics against them. Both have a plan to stop the android, but they need just a little bit more. They came to the conclusion that Lira isn’t working alone, supported by her words to Lois before she gave them both wedgies. Before they take her down, they want to know  _ who _ .

It seems simple.

But the truth is, they’re in over their heads if they do it alone.

On this ledge, Lois leans over and snaps pictures of Lira, while April does the same, but separately. Unfortunately, the old ledge can’t hold both of them for too long.

“O’Neil, do you hear that?” Lois asks, a faint crumbling ringing in her ear.

“No, shh.”

“I’m telling you there’s --” 

As Lois falls to the ground after the ledge crumbles, she wonders why the universe is so fond of interrupting her when she speaks. This is the third time this has happened this night; it’s honestly annoying.

April screams, not accustomed to a superman coming out the sky to rescue her. As it stands, that doesn’t happen.

She, and Lois, are caught, but not by a man of steel. By a woman made of much harder material instead.

The android Lira grins, “You two again?”

Finally, on the same page, April and Lois push away from Lira and put some distance between them. In that instant, though, the android has already disappeared.

The women grimace and try to shuffle away from each other, only to find themselves bound together. 

“It happened again, didn’t it?” April asks.

“You don’t  _ feel  _ that?” Lois responds.

“At this point, I officially  _ hate  _ speedsters.”

“ _ No _ argument there.”

In that brief second before she disappeared, Lira had given both women super wedgies and tied them together by their underwear. Since their arms were bound, they’re having a difficult time getting free. Moving only makes the discomfort worse. 

At least they’re back on the roof.

**< <>>**

The competition is over as the two reporters have let it go. If they’re going to take the android down, they need to do it  _ together _ . They’ve already formulated a plan, even, and if it works, the turtles and Superman wouldn’t even need to lift a hand.

First, however, they have to talk it out.

“Would you listen to me!?” April yells.

“I’m telling you, the plan is fine as is!” Lois yells back.

The two go back and forth for a while as the android Lira steps out of yet another museum, having cleaned house. When April pushes Lois over, Lira decides she can take another break at their expense. She smirks as she takes her time and waltzes over to them.

“Look, I’m getting tired of making you two look like fools,” she says. “ _ This _ time, I’m not gonna’ be  _ nice  _ about it. In fact, I’m gonna--”

“How does it feel to be interrupted!” Lois yells, grabbing at Lira’s legs and holding her still. 

While the android is still strong enough to move even with Lois’ body weight on her, it’s a distraction for April to shove  _ her  _ over. The two were only pretending to argue to draw Lira in, and it worked.

When Lira hits the ground, both women put tasers to her neck and let them rip, frying the android’s circuitry. Lois got the idea when recounting how Diana defeated Lira the first time: by melting her with her bracelets. While two tasers aren’t enough to melt an invention of Professor Ivo’s, it’s enough to fry the brain circuitry and shut Lira down, at least for now. 

The two reporters sigh in relief. Finally, they finished this. And no underwear shenanigans this time!

“You know, we make a  _ really  _ good team,” April says. “So, who gets the story?”

“We do, of course,” Lois responds. “And I know some tech specialists that can maybe get who she was working for down at STAR Labs. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Oh? We’re there now? You’re sharing stories?”

“I expect you to return the favor,” Lois says, poking April’s chest. “You keep me updated on what happens here in New York, alright?”

“You got it, Lane,” April smiles. 

Despite a rough start, this partnership seems like it’s going to be something special.

**Author's Note:**

> Base of the characterizations are Megan Fox and Erica Durance's portrayals of the featured heroines, but with influences from other media (mostly in Lois' case, what with the DCAU & Teri Hatcher's versions being so iconic). Anyway, if you can, leave a comment!
> 
> I was also toying with returning to DA, mostly because there's an audience I miss? But then I look at what the ENTIRE community's like, and I much prefer silence than being apart of that. I do miss the few friends I did have, though. It felt good to, like, soft collaborate on stuff and create, like, a little shared universe. The history's not here for that, though.


End file.
